Beginning

love monkeys piano husband apples are nice only when sliced tissues are for boogers school makes no sense learning can be accomplished anywhere you want what you want to learn what will you do today tomorrow next year learn to love 

i think of all kinds of things each day each moment some dramatic some worthless some creative and genius some just me and just simple i am not simple no one is nothing is life is full of questions mysteries and complicated things people and situations i want to learn to love learn to sing learn to play musical instruments well i want i need 

i was thinking of babies pregnancy giving birth will hurt pregnancy is ridiculously random  and life with children is never predictable life is weird christianity is weird and people are strange situations can be weird and weird is weird but its normal here odd is in and is never out because then everyone would be out because we are all odd which makes us  all the same we are not all the same everyone is different we may have some similarities but are unique from each other no two exactly the same even twins are not fully and completely identical in every way if they were then you would have two people doing everything the same at the same time and that would be weird but not abnormal 

work what is it for why i like to learn but i think i could do that anywhere i should just volunteer but it would not be the same with working they expect that i am going to be around a while so they will invest their time and efforts in me i learn what they know and i will be great with that knowledge 

knowledge what is it knowledge is knowing 

i want to make a difference but i feel i put other people in my own way why do i sabotage my own life do i not realize what greatness i could accomplish if i let myself go will i ever move these others aside and live my life what do i really want  

(This was written in 2010: I just put thinking aside and wrote what came to mind)

If you made it through this and understood any of it, great and thanks for your patients! I was unsure of what to write about when my husband, Aaron, suggested I take up blogging. I had some other ideas in mind, human trafficking, plants and their root systems, I even took pictures of plants in my house to share. I got rather excited and blocked all at once. I started researching 4 or 5 things all at once and had to throw it all aside and stop thinking of what someone else might want to read. The idea here is for me to process, think clearly and possibly have some feedback from other humans. 

Perhaps a good question is why I didn't use periods in this bit of writing? I'm sorry, it will not happen again. Another might be, if I let my brain go again and just type, what would I write? Or how have I changed?

I think learning was something that I felt and still feel is important. Where you receive your training doesn't really matter. I went to college for one year and then got married and have worked in many different fields since. I have learned so much more than I could have learned in a classroom. I have had about eighteen different jobs so far in my life. I always left by my own will. You may ask why I couldn't keep a job, but I did, the longest job I kept was for two years at a flower shop. Ha! I know that isn't very long at all. I will explore this later about purpose and finding it.

I still fully believe that tissues are for boogers and no place else.

I still want to learn to play music, but that along with many things are on my back burners. Which is ironic because I only have a two burner stove. Some things have changed, I think I have grown physically weaker, more afraid of more things, I am not as spontaneous, but I love much deeper and I care more forwardly. In regards to self sabotage, that remains yet I am working on moving myself out of the way and letting God take over, even through the scary things. 

I still want to make a difference and that is why I wanted to write about human trafficking, sexual abuse, child soldiers and slavery. I do not know much about these things, but I do know that some people are out to put a stop to them and others are not. I want to help, so far I buy fair trade chocolates and I tell my friends about them. It is a start to change our world. Be aware, get involved, end world hunger!