That being said, lately I've been struggling to be me, real and vulnerable. The content at my youth group (even though I'm a leader) has helped me to really think, process and re-evaluate my words and actions. I hope that my growth and changes over the years have been positive, but I'm pretty sure I've had some things effect me poorly.
I realized today that I have been using 'being married' as an excuse for failure or not pursuing my goals and dreams. I used to say that I would support whatever my husband is doing, and that is great but I think I've taken it to a whole different level of 'I don't need or want to have a career' or 'I have to support him so I can't do what I want'. I have no idea how this has kept me so stagnant the last five years. For some reason I've let this keep me from pursuing my dream to be a flight attendant and travel the world. It has kept me from my even longer dream of being a missionary around the world.
I hope you don't misunderstand me in thinking that I mean, Aaron has kept me from these things, because that is not true. In fact it is the furthest from the truth. He always encourages me to do anything I want, to be who I want and to pursue every dream that I wish to, even some of the ones I'm not so sure about.
The biggest thing I am learning right now is to be me and be willing to stand up for myself. God has much waiting for me and I think I have sat waiting long enough, probably too long, for someone to hand me a gold plate with all of my dreams on it, worked out and ready for me to dive in. I think my youth pastor from ten years ago will be wondering what took me so long. He saw in me what I could not see. Thanks, Brent Easey, for encouraging me.
I am now pursuing one dream to be a flight attendant. I did apply over the years to other airlines, but never really felt I wanted it for me but for my mom or my dad. I am so close to getting into training at Porter Airlines. I feel I want this now more than I ever have. Please pray for me to have have confidence and great ability to be me, and for favour that I get in.