Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Growing up

I mostly post on here as a way to journal my thoughts and issues I'm facing. I write it knowing that others will read it, but I don't write it for you. Sorry, but you are welcome to read along and share in my growth and experiences. 

That being said, lately I've been struggling to be me, real and vulnerable. The content at my youth group (even though I'm a leader) has helped me to really think, process and re-evaluate my words and actions. I hope that my growth and changes over the years have been positive, but I'm pretty sure I've had some things effect me poorly. 

I realized today that I have been using 'being married' as an excuse for failure or not pursuing my goals and dreams. I used to say that I would support whatever my husband is doing, and that is great but I think I've taken it to a whole different level of 'I don't need or want to have a career' or 'I have to support him so I can't do what I want'. I have no idea how this has kept me so stagnant the last five years. For some reason I've let this keep me from pursuing my dream to be a flight attendant and travel the world. It has kept me from my even longer dream of being a missionary around the world. 

I hope you don't misunderstand me in thinking that I mean, Aaron has kept me from these things, because that is not true. In fact it is the furthest from the truth. He always encourages me to do anything I want, to be who I want and to pursue every dream that I wish to, even some of the ones I'm not so sure about. 

The biggest thing I am learning right now is to be me and be willing to stand up for myself. God has much waiting for me and I think I have sat waiting long enough, probably too long, for someone to hand me a gold plate with all of my dreams on it, worked out and ready for me to dive in. I think my youth pastor from ten years ago will be wondering what took me so long. He saw in me what I could not see. Thanks, Brent Easey, for encouraging me. 

I am now pursuing one dream to be a flight attendant. I did apply over the years to other airlines, but never really felt I wanted it for me but for my mom or my dad. I am so close to getting into training at Porter Airlines. I feel I want this now more than I ever have. Please pray for me to have have confidence and great ability to be me, and for favour that I get in.